I’m listening to Drive by Incubus. This song is still my favourite song of the moment. I’m not exactly sure why. I’m sure someday I’ll figure it out. 
I’m playing way too much Diablo 2 Expansion. I am such a nerd.
My mom’s birthday is next week. Man, I can’t believe it’s her birthday already. Time is flying way too fast. Right now she’s in Japan, visiting friends and having a good time. I told her to make sure she buys me some “really cool japanese stuff”. She knows what kind of stuff I like, so I can trust her.
Took a few “psychic” tests online today. Nothing major. In my opinion, it didn’t really tell me if I’m psychic or not. That’s my opinion at least. How can you test for something like that? Ridiculous I say.
Anyways…
I was going to write some things down But I’ve forgotten them already since I have the “too many IM’s” disease right now. LOL losing concentration by having too many conversations going on at once. Oh well, what can you do.
Off tangent:
Why do you do it? Why do you play with my mind thus? I have no idea if you’re coming or going. What are your intentions? What do you want with me? Am I to fill in a space you have lost in the past? What is my role in your life? Why do you have to complicate mine so much and make me second guess myself? I hat the games. I hate the masquerade. Why can’t we all just be honest and tell what we feel all the time? Why can’t we all just get along? What hidden agendas do you have? Why does it seem you wish to tell me something, but you never do? Why do you turn the tables and it seems to be my fault for it all? Where did I go wrong? What can I say to make it all right? What can I do to make it ok? Why does it have to be so hard? Why do you still talk to me? Where am I? Where am I going? Where have I been?
Once, what seems like only yesterday to me, I told you a story. A story I heard on Xena: The Warrior Princess. You laughed, I remember because I paraphrased it and couldn’t remember all the fine details. It was a story that Gabrielle told to Iolaus when he thought he was dying. This time, I wanted to get it right. So here it is as told by Gabrielle to Iolaus:
“Once, a long, long time ago, all people had four legs and two heads. And then the gods threw down thunderbolts, and split everyone into two. Each half then had two legs and one head. But the separation left both sides with a desperate yearning to be reunited. Because they each shared the same soul. And ever since then, all people spend their lives searching for the other half of their soul...”
There. Now it’s set. Oh, and sometimes, just sometimes, we are lucky enough to find that other half. Soulmates. “You complete me.”
I’m not remembering any of my dreams lately. I know I’m dreaming, I just can’t remember them. They’re like blurs in my memory. Why is it that we don’t remember our dreams? Is it to protect ourselves? Is it a self-defense mechanism? Since I’ve been a small boy, I’ve always had dreams that come true. I mean literally, down to the last detail of remembering what people were wearing, what people would say in it. Perhaps that’s why I don’t remember most dreams. I thought for sure I’d remember some of my dreams from last night.
Yesterday a couple of co-workers and I were talking about ghosts. St. Louis is a mecca of haunted houses and stories about supernatural occurances. As a matter of a fact, the movie Exorcist was based upon a true to life ordeal here in St. Louis. What is it about St. Louis that attracts such things? Makes me wonder how many vampires live in this city. If they exist. Maybe I just read too many books. Hehe.
Off topic:
I remember one time telling a friend that I would rather be blind than deaf. I’m not entirely sure what my life would be like without music. Music is my life! I could not live without it. I’m afraid I’m not as strong as Helen Keller. I don’t think that feeling the music would be quite enough for me. Music brings back incredible imagery. Certain songs cause some incredible memories to be triggered. I mentioned Kristin Hallet yesterday, and one song that I associate with her is the song Sign your name by Terence Trent D’Arby. I remember that when we worked together at Six Flags Great Adventure, everytime she walked in the door, that song was playing. It was really weird. Of course, after a while (as she pointed out) I would simply wait until I knew she was coming in, and would play the song. It’s ok. It’s her song to me. This is why music is so important to me. There are just songs that frighten me and songs that comfort me. (A song that comes to mind is Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb - Great song)
What am I listening at this moment? Ozzy Osbourne Mama, I’m coming home. I think that perhaps I love this song so much because I can play it on the guitar. I’m sure that’s the biggest reason for liking many songs actually. Although I do actually listen to the words of many many songs. Which sometimes is tough hehe. You have to understand what half these people are saying. ;p
Of course, there are days (most of the time) where I just need to listen to something really upbeat. Like Prodigy. I love Prodigy. As I’m typing this journal, now I’m listening to Smack my bitch up. At first, I didn’t really like the song too much, and it was just an “okay” song. Then I watch Charlie’s Angels (the movie). And when this song played, I was loving it. Of course, it helped that the movie was synching with the song. And of course, they edited the song a little bit for the movie. That’s cool though. Hell if I was a director, I’d do that too.
Speaking of movies. Holy cow. There are way too many movies to see. I don’t even know what movie to see first! A.I., Kiss of the Dragon, Cats and Dogs, just to name a few. I’m sure I’ll end up going to see Kiss of the Dragon first. Jet Li rocks!
Gots to get ready for work.
Wow. I just read my last entry. I really need to sleep. I need to dream.
Remember that song that Lita Ford and Ozzy Osbourne did together? Close My Eyes Forever? Man that was such a great song. Don’t ask me why I really like it. I’m not sure really. I guess it’s because the song is about heartache and pain. I mean, really it is. Listen to it. It’s pretty apparent.
I guess really it’s about two people who used to be together and broke up. And want to still be together, but cannot because of the pain and sorrow that comes along with it. And finally they come to the realization that they were meant for each other. How tragic is that? That after all this time, you realize that those were the best times of your life, but were also the worst times of your life? I suppose you cannot feel pleasure if there is no pain.
I remember saying that to one of my friends who was having some problems with a relationship. That there could never be only good times. You have to live through the bad times as well. If not, then you have no comparison. It is inevitable that two people will conflict. It’s a human trait. I suppose there are relationships that have no disagreements, no fights, no debates. It’s unimaginable if you ask me. Perhaps it’s because all my life, it has seemed to be a conflict; as if I were running a marathon, and have yet to complete it because of all the roadblocks in this world. Or maybe it’s because it’s really late, and I’m just grasping for anything to put in here. Probably the latter.
“You’re like a dagger, you stick me in the heart, and taste the blood from the blade.
And when we sleep would you shelter me in your warm and darkened grave.
If I close my eyes forever, would it all remain unchanged?
If I close my eyes forever, would it all remain same?”
Really though. If I were to die tomorrow, would everything, all the memories I have, all the experiences I’ve had remain the same? Who would hold those memories of me? Can’t be. Everything changes. Even people change. It just goes exactly with my point about the song Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve. We all change. Everything changes, the world changes, lives change, we change. We can’t not change. It’s impossible. Sometimes I just wish some people would change faster. It would make my life easier.
America’s Sweethearts comes out 7/20. I simply can’t wait to see this movie. I’m just not really sure who would want to go see it with me. LOL I suppose I can find a date or something. Who knows. It looks like a date movie. LOL It’s got John Cusack in it, and anyone who knows me would know that that is enough for me to go. Great guy, that Cusack guy. I still thik that was the coolest thing that he did in Say Anything. Too bad I never did anything like that.
On another note, I just remembered that the name Kristin Hallet popped into my thoughts today. I suppose that would be cool if she found me on the web. I remember looking for her a while back and couldn’t find her. Of course, I’m sure she’s married now, and would have changed her name. Makes things hard to find sometimes. So I guess I’ll have to rely on any folks who might know her to get a hold of me. That would cool to find out what she’s been up to.
Talk about the most uneventful day of my life. Nothing happened today. I think I managed to go through work and not really accomplish anything at all today. Well, no I’m sorry I did accomplish a few things at work. But I can’t really count what I did at work today as accomplishment. It doesn’t really gain me all that much in my life. It’s not like what I did is going to get me a raise or anything. 
I really really need to work on the ad for Campari Red. I’m really jazzed about it. I know I won’t win or anything, but it’s a chance to do something good you know? Almost like a “real” job. Because the job I have now is so fake it’s not even funny. But it does pay the bills. (barely
I’ve got the case of “too many IM’s” and I’m losing my concentration. LOL I will end this now.
Funny thing...a name I haven’t thought about it in a long (and I mean LONG) time just popped into my head today. Kristin Hallet. Wow. Wonder what she’s up to right now. Probably somewhere on the North Shore… That would be cool.
Police Officer: So are you guys shooting off the big fireworks?
Vince: No, all we’ve got are bottle rockets, fountains and sky rockets.
All this happened right after we got done cleaning up and throwing away all those mortars. Man, nothing quite like shooting off fireworks. The “noteworthy” firework tonight was the one that one of my friends Tim shot off. Boy was that fun. Not only did it just about go up in flames, the tube that it was in decided to fall over - towards me. After drinking a few Pina Coladas, of course, I was on top of it. I dodged out of the way just about quick enough as everyone yelled, “Oh Shit!!!” Of course, when I say I dodged, I dodged in my time. Not the mortars time. hehe. That thing barely missed me and commenced to explode right behind me. Did I not have those Pina Coladas in me, I would surely have been hurting. Hehe. Everyone was pretty much saying things like “Oh my God, it almost killed you!” or “Oh man, that was close!” Now that’s fireworks. Thanks Tim, for almost catching me on fire. 
But it was definitely fun. I didn’t take as many pictures as I thought I would. Unfortunately, I neglected to bring my video camera which would definitely have been great. It’s okay, next year I’ll be prepared. Of course, next year, they plan on having even larger and better fireworks. hehe.
All in all, aside from the fact that I just about sponatenously combusted, it was a kick ass day.
Man I am such a nerd. I think I’ve collectively spent in the past 3 days, about 10 hours playing the Diablo 2 Expansion Pack.
Last night, my ISDN line went down. Which was good in a way. 1) It got me offline and preventing me from playing any games. 2) I didn’t have to worry about work for a while. hehe. 3) Made me watch the Dogma: Special Edition DVD I just bought. Which was great. I just wish people would understand it’s a joke. Although I did notice the Kevin Smith said he was Catholic. I thought about that, and thought that it could be true, but you never know. There was a part in the deleted scenes where Silent Bob shut up Jay real fast. He took Jay’s bag of weed and threw it out into the forest. Jay said, “You dick.” I was rolling. Yeah, you know that’s a real good way to shut someone up. Or get your ass kicked. hehe. Regardless, I thought that was pretty funny. Look for it in their new (and last supposedly) film, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
I actually cleaned up my apartment today, although it would not readily be noticeable in my office webcam. I’m thinking about rearranging my office anyways. That’s gonna be a headache. But after reading a bit of Feng Shui (pronounced Feng Shway) for the office, I think I need to turn my desk around. It’s not a good thing to have your back to the door it said. I agree. That’s just common sense.
Feeling in good spirits today, no melancholy. I think I’m just glad I’m off. I just wish people would do the same and take time off as well. There’s absolutely no reason for anyone to be “working” on the computer. They should be spending it with family or something. Of course, I just shot myself in the foot since I’m sort of “working”, but my family is thousands of miles away in both directions. I don’t think I’ll be spending any time with them anytime soon.
Mental note: I really need to move my Audrey Hepburn Sabrina poster. When I rearrange my office, I will do that.
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