Why bother anymore? Man, I’m tired.
Just a thought.. wouldn’t it just be cool if you could go to the Body Shop and just get a new body? “Yes I’d like to have the Arnold Swarzeneggar body today, thanks.”
Met Rachel, Vince’s friend today. She was pretty damn cool. We all went to go see Planet of the Apes. Great movie. A bit disconcerting, and like Dana was saying, I was a bit freaked out about it, but it was still pretty good. Later, we went to Shogun’s for dinner. Great food there. It’s a Japanese restaraunt, teppankyaki, where they cook right in front of you and give you a show. Great food! 
Ate some ice cream today as well. Shouldn’t have, but glad I did. It was really good. Banana with Butterfingers. mmm good.
It was a pretty damn fun day I’d say. Still love the car.
And it just warms my heart to know that Dylan still likes me. That’s really really cool. *beams* Oh, and he thinks my car is cool too. But then again, at 8 years old, I thought everything was cool about most adults too.
Off Tangent:
So far. So far away. Yet...so close. I can almost feel it. Touch it even. Why must things be so difficult? Why must their be pain involved with pleasure? Who wrote the rule book on life? Where are the rules of life? Why are there rules? Why must we be bound within limits? Why not let our imagination roam and wander? Throughout history those who had new ideas, new concepts were met with skepticism, even persecution. Why should it be thus? Why would anyone want to suppress the cure for cancer? Overpopulation? Perhaps. Life is too full of surprises. But that’s what makes life great. There are ups and downs, but alas, we must have both. If there is not one, we cannot appreciate the other. Does karma exist? If so, when will it end? Is there such a thing as coincidence? Is it fate perhaps? Destiny? Do you know who your soul mate is? Have you ever felt so secure, so safe with someone? Do you have that someone that makes you happy inside when you’re with them? Do you ever feel that when you’re with them, there is nothing that can’t be solved, that can’t be fixed? Are you fortunate to have someone that will always be there for you? To help you, to guide you, to lend a hand, have a shoulder to cry on? Do you have a best friend? Do you have someone who knows all your secrets, all your worries, your troubles, your fears, your regrets? Do you have any regrets? What was the happiest day you remember? What was the saddest day you remember? What was your most embarrassing moment? Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you ever met the one? When you do, never let go. Just remember that. Never let go. Because that person, even though you have not talked to them in days, months, years, will always be there for you, ready to welcome you with open arms. So never let go. Love is real. Everything else is just a fantasy.
“Across the gateway of heart, I wrote:
“No Thoroughfare.”
Love came laughing by and said,
“I enter everywhere."”
- Unknown
Off Tangent...
I’m tired. Just tired. Tired of all the hustle and bustle, of all the running around. I’m just ready to sit down, relax and enjoy the time I have. No need to go out and make millions of dollars, or be successful. I’m just tired of all that. I just want to be happy. Amazing how such a simple thing can be so complicated to achieve. Isn’t it?
You ever have those days where it just seems like you feel it couldn’t get any better? But when you sit down and think about it, you’re not as happy as you thought? I guess I’m just ready to share the happiness I want to have with someone else. I’m just tired is all. Tired of all the games we have to play. Tired of having to worry about tomorrow when I should be living now. Carpe Diem, right? Seize the Day? Capture the moment? Live in the now? Just do it. Amazing, isn’t it? How you can sum up life in just a few words. I mean we go throughout our lives, living each day, hoping that tomorrow will be better, only to find out, it doesn’t always get better. Or worse. It just stays where it is. It’s the same thing as yesterday.
I say live each day as if it were your last. Do what you want to do today, and not wait unitl tomorrow. Carpe Diem! Don’t live your life regretting what could have been or could be. Live your life now. Right now, you’re ok. The future is not set. Believe that right now, at this moment, you’ll do what is right. You’ll live the way you want to live. Right now, Life is good.
So am I happy you ask? *shrug* I don’t know. But I do know that I don’t know. And knowing is half the battle. Don’t live your life thinking of what tomorrow may bring. Just live. Just take things in small doses. You know that right now you have to do it. So Just do it. Don’t sit there and wait for it to happen. Make it happen. If it should, it will. If it shouldn’t, it won’t.
So again, I have to ask, am I happy? To be honest with you, no. I’m not. There feels in my soul to be an empty hole, a crevasse which needs to be filled. My soul weeps and my life drains along with it. I have accepted all my misfortunes, all my mistakes, all my wise decisions. These are all mine. I made my own mistakes, and I will not let it bring me down. And I’m tired.
Just got done watching The Family Man. Great movie. Although I love just about any Nicholas Cage movie, this one was great! Just loved how he was put into the situation and how he handled it. Classic Nicholas Cage. It was one of those It’s a wonderful life movies, and even had the bell. I don’t think it did too well in the box office though. Shame because it was a great movie. Just makes me wonder if I could take a “glimpse” of what my life would have been like if I had done something different. Rather curious.
Finally!!! I got my car. Chevy Cavalier Z24 Coupe fully loaded, with all the works. And the most important things? It’s got AC (thank God), and it’s an automatic! I am soooo tired of using the clutch. I’m so glad that I do not have to push down on that thing everytime I have to start the car, slow down, start up, etc etc etc. Having a manual is just a pain in the ass in traffic. Also, it’s got power steering. I know that may not be a big deal to most of you folks out there, but believe me after driving a manual steering vehicle, you learn to appreciate it. Trust me on this. Let’s not forget the power windows, keyless entry, CD player with cassette player (although I have YET to use that. and a radio. The speakers are great in it. The rear speakers are subwoofers, so that kicks in the bass really well, which I do like. The engine is a 2.4 liter 4 banger at 115 hp. It’s a nice little car. Not quite the Monte Carlo SS that I really wanted, but hey, who’s got $30K to spend right? hehe.
Regardless, I’m really liking my car. I think mainly it’s because I’ve never owned a brand new car before. Meaning, I’m the ONLY person who has owned it. I’ve always had used cars, which have done me a great service I think. (I really miss my Plymouth Valiant. It had that really nice engine in it. 318 V-8. But I wrecked that one. Or blew it up. I can’t remember, but I’m sure my dad does. He’s a car GENIUS. hehe) I’d like to make some modifications to the car, work on this and that. Just want to be able to do everything on my own for the car. Make my dad proud since he’s the greatest mechanic I’ve ever known (and probably will ever know too!). And plus, it’ll be fun and enjoyable. (at least I think so) Of course, I might have been watching too many NASCAR races, Gone in 60 Seconds too many times (GREAT movie), and loving The Fast and Furious way too much. No, no NOS for me. I don’t think I can handle that. I’m not looking to do any major engine rework. Probably none in the first year for that matter. I want the car to just look good. So I can pick up all the “hot chicks” as it was so pointed out to me. No thanks. Any woman who loves me for my car is not my type.
Other than that, not much else is going on right now. I’m working hard at work, we’ve got a lot of projects going on that need some serious attention. I’m hoping to wrap up a lot of that so I can consider taking a good vacation sometime in the future. Take my car out for a road trip.
Gotta get back into working on my music as well. I’ve totally been neglecting that part.
Off Tangent:
I’m in such a good mood today. Not just because of my car. I think it’s because of many things put together. I think I’m doing alright now. Of course, being the ultimate pessimist that I am, I’m wondering how long it will last. Since I’ve obviously got bad karma, I’m wondering when it’s going to get bad again. But no worries. Right now, at this moment, I’m good. I’m content with life. Life is good. How could it get any better than this?
Off tangent...
Just got done watching one of my favourite movies, Sleepless in Seattle. There are times when I feel like I’m “Sleepless in St. Louis”. Of course, I’m just hit with insomnia once in a while. (obviously if I’m writing this at this time of the night.) As I was watching the movie, I thought to myself if that could possibly be true. I mean really. Could it happen? The moment you meet someone, if you just knew, just knew it was right? Like Tom Hanks had mentioned, “it was like coming home. But no home that I knew of.” (Ok, I’m paraphrasing, so sue me.
Could it be entirely possible that there is that one person out there that has the other half of my heart, and I’m just waiting to find her? Or trying to find her? I met a woman once, and when I saw her, I believe the first thing that popped into my head was, “...”. Yes, I had no thoughts. I just knew her. LIke somehow we were connected in ways I’d never know. (Or probably don’t want to know.) I have to admit, yes I eventually did fall in love with her, and no, we are no longer together. But we are still friends. (At least, I like to think so.
Regardless! As I know I’ve probably stated many times in past journal entries, I think I just miss being in love. I mean why wouldn’t I right? Why wouldn’t I want to be loved? It’s always a good feeling to know that somebody loves you. Perhaps there is someone out there for me. I know there is. It’s just a matter of connection. How will we meet? What will our first encounter be like? What will we do? Will it feel like “magick”? Someone once asked me how I knew I was in love. I told them that if you had to ask, you probably aren’t. It’s just something you know. It’s something you feel. And if two people are truly in love, and I mean TRULY, they would know. If you have to ask yourself if you’re in love, then are you?
There are people who say that love comes eventually. That in time, you will learn to love someone. No way. I don’t believe that at all. I’m not saying that I believe in love at first sight, I’m just saying I don’t think you should be together if you don’t love each other. And that comes to my greatest fear in the world. That there are times when love just isn’t enough. I’ve “been there, done that” and I am more the wiser for it. So does that make me bitter? Does that make me want to love someone less? Hell no. I only believe in love. Love is a strange and powerful force of nature. But I simply cannot believe in the middle line. I cannot believe that you would be with someone or marry someone “just because”. Or, “It was inevitable”. Or perhaps even “Well, everybody’s here, can’t stop it now.” If two people should be together, then they should. If they ever had any doubts, perhaps they shouldn’t be. I guess it’s just late, I’m babbling.
There is nothing to talk about right now. LOL
Wow. Been a while. Been busy. Ugh.
Bugger!
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